Tatsu! Project
by NullNoMore
Summary: Tatsu made some rash promises. Now he needs powerful and heavy tools. One word: Gwin. Another word: Ma-non. (Pray for NLA.) Post Ch. 5, spoilers to xenos big and little, few if any swears, no violence. I plan to throw roughly 3000 named characters into this fluffy ball of indulgent happiness, all but one belonging to the geniuses of Monolith Soft.
1. The Exact Opposite of Control

**Tatsu! Project/1/The Exact Opposite of Control**

 **a/n: Tatsu needs help, but Lin is not available. Luckily, he's surrounded by a city of incredibly strong and ruthless BLADEs.**

 **Post Ch. 5, some xeno spoilers, no swears (wrote it during Lent, kids, and I gave that up).**

 **All the good stuff belongs to the good people of Monolith Soft.**

 **XCX PORTANDA EST!**

* * *

"Now, you're sure you have everything under control?" Elma asked for the third time.

Tatsu had noticed her increasingly obvious doubt. "Tatsu have it all controlled. 100 % or your credits back. Nopon keep their word."

"Once I go into today's meeting at BLADE tower, I won't be answering my comm device. If you need anything from me, you should ask now."

Tatsu stopped bouncing for a moment and bent his arm appendages to touch the sides of his mid-section, mimicking the gesture he'd seen Lin do a thousand times. "Elma not to worry. Everything hunky dory. Elma only need to do her part of bargain."

"I'll get it done." She smiled a shadow of a wry smile. "The Commander and Secretary Nagi will make sure of that."

Tatsu smiled broadly at her, the image of a confident, successful future caravan leader. Elma did not mirror his certainty, but as she couldn't delay leaving any longer, she finally headed out the barracks door.

The doors slid shut with a click and a delayed hiss. Tatsu looked brightly in their direction for one long breath. Then he exploded into a flurry of despair. "Meh meh meh meeeeeeeehhhhhhh!" He did not have it all under control. He had very little under control. He was so far from having anything under control that you could have put several milesaurs, nose to tail, between him and the shadow of control.

The young round alien bounced with more agitation with every "meh" he squeaked. He began to dash around the kitchen island, clockwise first, then anti-clockwise. "Meh!" He was going to break his promise to Elma, and soon all of New Los Angeles would know that he was an unreliable Nopon. Worse than unreliable – that was forgivable, because the buyer should beware, after all. No, he would have failed to deliver entirely.

If only he hadn't bragged that he had the best idea. If only he hadn't told Elma and several other people the details of his brilliant idea. If he'd kept his trap shut, he could even now be rooting through the Commercial District, trying to come up with a replacement for his big fat stupid idea. Anything would do, really. It wouldn't have to be spectacular. Tatsu would have been able to pass anything off as amazing. He felt confident that, if he wanted to, he could sell grex pelt as the newest in exclusive luxury materials to the delightfully naïve residents of NLA. Even a box of chocolates would have worked. Those seemed to distract humans automatically. It wouldn't even have to be a very big one. Although, for this, he would have splashed out and gotten something nice, with a bow.

He was beyond running now. He could only manage a little skip, a few steps followed by a bounce, before flinging himself in the other direction, back and forth, back and forth. "Meh meh MEHHHH!" He stopped so quickly, he launched himself into a midair twirl. That was actually kind of fun. He leapt and twirled again. Several times.

After the seventh twirl (and perfect landing, 6/6 probably), he stopped to catch his breath. "Tatsu behaving like littlepon," he chided himself. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with a soft green cloth. He rarely did this around other people, which meant that his glasses tended to get rather foggy. Other Nopon tended to tease him about his eyewear, and he tried to pretend they were without any flaws. But truthfully, exercise did have negative effects on them. He sighed and put them back on, then carefully patted his cowlick back into an exaggerated curl. With this slight ritual done, he tried to focus on solving his dilemma.

He had to be honest about his real problem. He was missing his wing-man. To be exact, his wingarm-girl. Lin had been busy most of the week, taking endless tests for the middle of her school term. She seemed to enjoy her lessons, proving that humans really were weird. If it was one thing that was universal to Nopon (aside from adorable fluffiness), it was a tendency to nod off when hearing information from oldpon. Tatsu personally had learned most of his Nopon history in the form of epic group sing-a-longs, with many repetitions and exaggerated gestures. These histories weren't perhaps the most accurate, since the need for rhymes and rhythms trumped the faithful reproduction of historical facts. But the past is a mystery, so what did he care if he had the real facts or just the facts that sounded better when he was belting out a chorus? The heropons of legend would never know.

This round of test taking had seemed like an advantage at the start of the week. Lin's absence made it possibly possible that Tatsu would be able to surprise her. He had looked forward to her amazement at his incredible success. That had been at the start of the week. But as the days passed, he missed her gentle nagging to get him to shake a leg (they had taught that phrase to L last week, and it had been a very good way to spend a morning). He had missed how she could listen to his ideas and repeat them so that they sounded even more intelligent. He had really missed her ability to first explain his plans to other BLADEs and then persuade them to agree. Lin had an inner adorableness that was Nopon-level effective.

Alas, today she would be closeted away with Alexa until lunch, demonstrating her proficiency in the weird Noponese that Alexa insisted was really called Spanish. Sounded the same to Tatsu when Alexa or Hope spoke it, but very weird when Lin attempted it. Sometimes it sounded like she was just throwing extra vowels around. Whenever that happened, Alexa got a very funny look on her face, like she had eaten something very burnt but was too polite to say anything. There would be no time for Lin to help him, even if he was desperate.

Still, even thinking about his wingarm-girl had been helpful. Sure, she would not be available, but there was a whole city of gullible, er, generous BLADEs, ready to lend a hand. Why, he could probably find somebody simply by going out the door, closing his eyes, and walking until he bumped into one. Tatsu had already organized part of the delivery, mostly the necessary infrastructure. That had merely been a matter of credits and commerce. He could get BLADEs to help him get those bits down from the Ma-non ship and over to the Commercial Section. Then he could pretend that he had always thought that other BLADEs were responsible for the rest. He already had Frye in charge of one part. Tatsu could say that he wasn't at fault, that someone else had failed.

Sad. So very very sad. Even his arch-nemesis Tora would do better than that.

He didn't exactly walk out with his eyes shut, but he wasn't far from it. The panic was starting to rise again in his fluffy spherical body. He needed a few burly BLADEs to wrangle the equipment. He saw …

"Hi there, Tatsu? What're you up to?" The young human pushed a lock of brown hair off his forehead, only to have it flop back.

Why did Gwin Evens remind Tatsu of littlepon playtime rhyme? Very bouncy and part of fun game. All littlepon played it, but differently in each caravan. In his mamapon's caravan, they had a most excellent version. The littlepon would line up and dash towards a goal, jumping over tangles of vines. The first one would get pelted with berries or other fruit. All the while, you had to sing, at the top of your lungs, "melimeli dundun/homhom run run." Made no sense, but so very tasty if slightly sticky when you won.

Maybe it was his saltiness, but in Tatsu's opinion, Gwin would make a good Nopon if he wasn't so sub-fluffy and not round. He'd also need better business sense. Tatsu perked up at that thought. Gwin wasn't burly but he was cheap. But first, Tatsu took a quick look round. Nope, no scary blonde Interceptor team leader. Tatsu was not feeling strong enough to argue anything with Irina.

"Uh, Tatsu, hello, anybody home?" Gwin tapped Tatsu on his hood.

Tatsu beamed at the BLADE. "Friend Gwin just in time to help Tatsu with important mission. Necessary for good of all NLA."

"Nope. No. I am not falling for that. I gotta meet someone."

Tatsu bounced in front of Gwin before the other man could move a step. "Gwin must help Nopon Ambassador! And Ma-non! And Humans!" Gwin opened his mouth to protest but Tatsu did not let him finish. "Tatsu risk his life for Gwin every day, and Gwin cannot spare him a minute?"

Gwin's open mouth gaped wider but he said nothing. Tatsu nodded approvingly. "Gwin have no answer. Good."

"I have no answer because I don't know where to start!"

"Simple. Start by helping Tatsu." Tatsu was suddenly struck by inspiration brighter than the flash of a turba. "Can friend sing?"

"What? Like a song?"

"If friend can sing like a table, do that too." Tatsu bounced expectantly.

"Tatsu, we're in the middle of the Division Drive. There are people everywhere."

"Something easy. L told Tatsu about one with many black bird and pies. And honey."

Gwin blinked a few times, then grinned. "Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye/Four and twenty black birds, baked into a pie." His voice was lower than Tatsu expected, but very clear. Tatsu felt hope return to his life.

Tatsu cut Gwin off mid verse. "Very nice, very good. Come along now."

"I didn't get to the honey part."

"Maybe later. Gwin have work to do." Tatsu hustled the BLADE down the alley. Gwin seemed to have agreed, or at least he was allowing himself to be herded in the correct direction, even if he wasn't doing so quietly. "Okay, okay," Gwin was saying, "I'll help you. Just this one time. But let me tell my friend our meeting is cancelled."

"No time to go find other BLADE, unless…" Tatsu was struck with another inspiration.

"He's right over there, Tatsu," snapped Gwin. "Hey! Mathias!"

Another BLADE, almost identical to Gwin except maybe smaller and more sandy-colored, joined them. Tatsu decided to follow up on his hunch. "Can friend sing?"

"What? Like, singing a song?"

"Or a table," muttered Gwin.

"What?"

Gwin sighed. "Tatsu wants to hear the old nursery rhyme. You know, sing a song of sixpence…" he explained.

Mathias took up the words, in a gentle and warm tenor voice. "A pocket full of rye/ four and twenty black birds baked into a pie/ When the pie was opened, the birds began to sing/ wasn't that …"

"Fine, fine, that the song." Tatsu cut him off, just as he had done to Gwin. Externally, he tried to look severe but inside he was giddy. This was the answer to his problems, he was sure of it. Plus more hands would make carrying the gear easier. "Friend of Gwin must help with huge mission. Very important and hush hush."

"Yeah, about our lunch … Tatsu here has roped me into who knows what kind of project."

"But I had all this cool data from Aisha to show you."

So annoying when humans ignored him. Really, the Nopon ambassador deserved more respect. Tatsu tried not to let his frustration show. "No! Now! Friends must help now! Data and lunch can wait."

Gwin stared at Tatsu with amazement. "Did you just say lunch could wait?"

Tatsu nodded firmly.

"I didn't think it was possible for Nopon to say that," said Gwin.

"This VERY important mission. And if both friends help, everything done quicker. Lunch only little bit delayed."

The two BLADEs glanced at each other before finally shrugging. Tatsu was delighted. That sigh, followed by a little shift of the shoulder? As good as a signed contract. At least, it had always meant the same thing, whenever he'd previously put a request to a BLADE. Tatsu knew the two would do whatever he asked. "Follow team leader Tatsu. Ma-non ship next stop."

* * *

 **a/n: Long live Gwin abuse! I thought things posted on Fridays were Case the Head Case stories, but nope, they have something else in common. Case will return, eventually, and Gwin will STILL suffer.**

 **This story was originally a story I told my kids when walking around town. We do this kind of thing constantly. Long live the oral storytelling tradition. Someday I will write the stories of Phoenix Wright, Pet Attorney, a crossover between Eldest's beloved Ace Attorney series and whatever animal story Youngest Child was reading at the time (Warriors, Wings of Fire, Petz).**

 **Next up: Tatsu's eyes are bigger than his stomach, metaphorically.**


	2. Ma-non Costco

**The Tatsu! Project/2/Ma-non Costco**

 **a/n: We start to learn what Tatsu spent all his credits on. The mission remains a mystery.**

 **All the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft, and Denonor is the only OC of this whole piece. I was controlling myself. I deserve a cookie.**

 **XCX PORTANDA EST!**

* * *

Consider being turned into foil, then into a needle, then into nothing. Then repeating the process, only backwards, in a completely different location. You might think it would hurt. It might feature excruciating cold, or disorienting waves of nausea. You would be wrong. Somehow, the Ma-non made it tickle. The worst it did to humans was make them sneeze from the surprise of it. Nopon suffered however, and tragically. Consider the effects of static electricity on fur. Then consider multi-dimensional static electricity.

Tatsu gritted his teeth and leapt into the magic circle that would transport them to the Ma-non's little ship, hanging above the Residential Section and shadowing a good fifth of the city. It was best not to think of the full body fluffing he was going to endure, twice. If this plan worked, and he was feeling more and more optimistic about this, it would be all worth it.

No time later, on the open deck of the Ma-non ship, Tatsu didn't turn to check that the BLADEs were still following him. Perhaps he was growing as naïve as the rest of the city, but he felt he could rely on Gwin, and by extension, on Mathias. Also, he was running out of time. Less than an hour before he needed to set the final part in motion.

Tatsu veered right and hustled into the port side of the ship. The starboard side remained primarily used by and for Ma-non purposes, while the other side was given over to xeno guest quarters and their interests. This wasn't because of a desire to exclude their visitors. The Ma-non had explained that they built their ships with this in mind – the environmental functions of the port side could be varied to make their guests most comfortable. The whole section could be flooded with ammonia or have the gravity increased by 200%, for example. Luckily, on Mira, all the groups could mix and mingle without limits. [Notable exception: Zaruboggans, the one true weirdo species. Tatsu hoped they were happy in their hissing environmental suits, because he'd hate to see the Ma-non ship filled with poisonous polluting voltant.] Still, for larger business projects, the division continued.

He was relieved to see his contact, waiting properly by Tatsu's order. His largish order. His appallingly largish order. Tatsu's heart dropped. He'd know the amount of credits had been extreme, but somehow he hadn't expected to see quite this amount of gear. Three large black crates, each one big enough to comfortably hold Tatsu, with at least 8 mid-sized bronze boxes stacked next to them. And a clutter of smaller boxes on top of those. Enough cables, rubbery black with octagonal silver tips and copper prongs, to fill another Nopon-sized crate, draped neatly on every box. Leaning on the railing was a further thick bundle of rods, flanged and footed.

"Tatsu! So so so great to see you! Candid & Credible is glad to to to help and hope you are not disappointed, okay?" The mustard-colored Manon bowed several times. He looked up at Gwin and Mathias curiously, before looking back down at Tatsu, who stood speechless, wobbling slightly. The Ma-non continued nervously. "I was a little surprised that you didn't hit up the Nopon Commerce Guild, right? Still, you didn't make a mistake. These puppies will reproduce whatever you want, as strong as as as you want. If the Ganglion don't notice, I'll be very surprised, you know what I mean? I pulled the very best for you, so if you could sign here, it's all yours until Monday." The Ma-non waved a comm device at Tatsu.

Tatsu remained dumbstruck as he looked at the mountain of gear. It was the end of all his nascent hopes. There was no way he could get all this equipment to the destination. The additional help of two less-than-burly BLADEs only made his predicament laughable.

Mathias and Gwin stood next to him. Mathias was examining the pile with great interest, but Gwin had grasped the problem already. "You're joking. You want us to move all of this?"

Tatsu tugged his hood low and mumbled.

"You _are_ joking, right?!" Gwin repeated.

"This our mission, yes," Tatsu said in a small voice.

"Tatsu! Do I look like I can lift one of these crates? Like Mathias and me could do it together? Ever?"

"Maybe other BLADEs can help," suggested Tatsu weakly.

"Dude, none of us could lift one of these."

"Maybe Doug," offered Mathias.

Gwin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, not likely. Maybe if Lin asked. Still, that's one crate. Out of what, a dozen?"

"Oh, are you guys worried about delivery, maybe?" the Ma-non representative interrupted. "Because I think I have the the the solution, okay? We have a contract with the Prone to move larger cargo, and the rates are pretty reasonable."

"How much?" asked Tatsu without enthusiasm. He didn't really need to know the answer.

The Ma-non fingered his crest points for a moment. "I'd have to confirm it with the Prone, but I'd guess 12,000 credits, maybe? 1000 per crate."

"We should get a discount for buying in bulk," muttered Gwin. "Honestly, what were you thinking, Tatsu?"

"Renting in bulk," the Ma-non corrected him. "And no discount for labor. The gear doesn't get lighter when you buy more of it, okay? Besides, I'm not sure how you got the initial price so so so ridiculously low."

Mad Nopon negotiation skills, thought Tatsu with a mix of pride and despair. It only worked on people that loved what they sold, but when it did, it was a super weapon. His mamapon had taught him, as she had taught him so much. First you get your dealer excited about the package, have him build the perfect order that truly shows all he can give you, that reveals the extraordinary knowledge and experience he's developed over the years. Make sure it is his dream creation, the one he'd craft for his own sisterpon if given a chance. Then feign reluctance over the amount, and sadly but ruthlessly cut some of the more crucial aspects. If you did it right, your contractor would tumble all over himself, making it possible for you to achieve something close to the original plan.

Tatsu had been so giddy about the deal he was getting, he hadn't factored in how much the order had grown. The Ma-non had assured him that it was all absolutely necessary for success. Tatsu had relied on their technical know-how. He'd forgotten that Ma-non tended to veer quite a long way from feasibility when they got inventive. His mamapon wouldn't have made the same mistake.

It didn't matter anyway. He'd spent all his credits renting the materials. He didn't have enough to have even one of the crates moved to the lower area. He hung his head so low that his cowlick almost brushed the deck.

Gwin was looking down at him. "Where's it going?"

"Commercial District. In an hour," said Tatsu quietly.

"And the technician you hired is is is already there and waiting," the Ma-non added cheerfully. "He promised not to go on on on a pizza break until 1300, although if you ask me, having to stand there, in sight of Army Pizza without the hope of a pie for hours at a time, well, that's cruelty worthy of of of the Ganglion, okay?"

Gwin looked at the Ma-non, looked at the pile, looked at Tatsu. Then he did something that proved he would never be a proper Nopon. He pulled out his comm device. "You can owe me, Tater Tot. Who do I send the credits to?"

"Gwinny Gwin help Tatsu? Reeeeeeaaaaaalllllly?" squealed Tatsu in ecstatic surprise.

"Look, Tatsu, I know a thing or two about being broke. I recognize the signs. I offered to buy the Lieutenant dinner once, and, well, I ended up washing dishes for the rest of the night. Worth it, but what I wouldn't have given for someone to help me out then."

"You were on a date with Irina? I don't believe it! When was this?" choked Mathias.

Gwin blushed so hard his ears turned a totally different color. "It was on Earth, long time ago. I was maybe 16 and had my first paycheck. How was I to know how far it wouldn't go? Anyway, lemme finish this business." He turned to the Ma-non and started exchanging information.

"Tatsu do Dance of Delivery!" This appeared to be the same as all his other dances, but Tatsu's bounces were pure relief and joy.

Payment done, Gwin turned back to Tatsu, who was still swaying slightly with joy. "So that's done. Denonor here will have his people get the gear where it needs to be. Which means we can go to lunch, Mathias, even if all I can afford now is a peanut butter sandwich. See you 'round, Tatsu."

"Meh meh meh!" Tatsu snapped out of his dream of the future admiration on the part of all NLA for the triumph he'd snatched from the jaws of poverty (with some help from Gwin). "BLADEs cannot leave. Still need to help Tatsu … uh … uh …"

"… yes?" Gwin asked suspiciously.

"… carry most delicate equipment!" Tatsu said in desperation. He blindly snatched up the smallest of the boxes and shoved it at Gwin. Then he did the same for Mathias.

"You're worried about the mikes then, maybe?" said Denonor, tilting his head. "Okay, I can maybe see that, because I've seen the Prone juggle stuff and it it it can be a little ear raising, you understand? Everything else would survive being dropped from the ship, to be honest, but those are my babies, so I'm with you about taking good care of them, right? So so so you'll want the rest." He shoved another armload of smaller boxes at Gwin and Mathias, then for good measure decorated them with a few loops of cable, bandolier style.

"Yes, yes, Team Tatsu deeply concerned about protecting your electronic littlepon. We escort them safely at all times."

Denonor clapped his hands cheerfully. "You guys are really demonstrating how how how cool BLADEs are, protecting the innocent and junk, okay? I think I'll swing round and see how everything is going later. 1230, right? I'll try to make the right time window, although you guys are so very particular about this versus that minute, understand?"

A few minutes later, Team Tatsu left the Ma-non ship, Gwin and Mathias cheerfully grumbling about the light but shifting load they were carrying, and Tatsu humming to himself at the imminent success of his plan.

* * *

 **a/N: I worked AV in college, and the day somebody tapped our newest, bestest microphone, I thought my supervisor was going to fling himself off the balcony to the stage many meters below and snatch the precious baby away from the barbaric mike abuser.**

 **Next up: Tatsu collects more burly BLADEs. He's got a unique definition of burly. And maybe we'll get to his actual plan. (Warning: I have Ch. 3 done, but not Ch. 4, so there may be a break. Maybe.)**


	3. Katamari Demacy: Mira Edition

**Katamari Damacy: Mira Edition**

 **a/n: Tatsu leads his team through the dangers of the Administrative and Commercial sections.**

 **All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, and a shout out to GameFaqs for helping me find Quincy. Anybody know Miss Warawa's home caravan? (She looks Dorian.)**

* * *

"Where to now, Tatsu? Commercial District, right?" asked Gwin.

Tatsu was busy smoothing his fluffiness into manageable levels after the static build-up caused by the transport from the Ma-non ship. It felt like a thousand microscopic cinicula were crawling across his back. Ugh. He preferred being dipped in honey, to be honest. Better sticky than puffy. This reminded him of his missing wingarm-girl. He checked his comm device for the time. "Yes, yes, Commercial District. Take elevator and we're there."

"Not the transport plane?" wondered Mathias.

"I guess even Tatsu isn't that lazy."

Tatsu ignored that remark and headed for the elevator down to the Residential Section. "Friends not going so very far. Sunshine Café only."

Gwin and Mathias went back to joking as they followed Tatsu. The young Nopon was only half-listening, because his mind was still struggling with perfecting his plan. There was still a very tricky transition that he'd have to manage. All his natural confidence had been badly shaken in the Ma-non ship, and he wasn't as sure he'd swing it. But he had no choice. He HAD to succeed. He didn't need to remind himself that the public humiliation he was risking was nothing compared to the sorrow that comes from disappointing others. A traveling merchant can try a new continent and leave failure behind, at least for a while. But leaving your heart behind is harder. Tatsu didn't care too much about disappointing 99% of NLA, but still there were a few that mattered. A least a little. So he'd better get it done.

"… bet he'd drop anything to sing a song of sixpence," Mathias was saying as they waited for the elevator.

"More like sixtypence. Six hundred pence," said Gwin.

"Don't I know it," Mathias replied. "Last Friday, at the weekly Curator's meeting, his team started singing their battle song. Ten minutes later, they were still going, with him the loudest of the four. Does he even need to breathe?"

"Who this?" Tatsu interrupted sharply.

"Quincy. He's a Curator. You might see him when we reach the bottom. He tends to hang out down there. Something about the acoustics of the elevator shaft." Mathias shuddered delicately.

Tatsu leapt over the barricade before they'd even reached the bottom platform. He waddled a beeline for the only BLADE in sight, almost a copy of Gwin but with neater hair and a less salty expression. "You are BLADE Quincy?" he demanded.

"Well, yes. Um, I know you're Tatsu but I don't think we've ever…"

"Friend will sing. Now."

"Like a table, if possible," muttered Gwin, having caught up to the Nopon on a mission.

For probably the only time in his life, Quincy hesitated upon being asked to perform. "Look, I don't really want any more grief about my passion. It was made pretty clear to me, last meeting. I'm just glad the other guys of my team had left by then. They'd have been really hurt." He shot a pointed glance at Mathias.

"Sing song of sixpence. About honey and noses. Very gruesome, but sing it now!" shouted Tatsu.

Quincy glared at the other humans. Gwin shrugged as best he could, hampered by a distressingly shifting pile of smaller boxes and slipping cable. "Just do it, man, because you aren't getting out of it. We won't tell a soul."

Tatsu waited in agony until the other BLADE suddenly launched into song. "The king was in the counting house, counting out his money. The queen was in her parlor, eating bread and honey." His voice was striking, far deeper than you'd expect from his youthful demeanor and frame, and moved quickly along the tune.

"Hey, that's not how it goes," interrupted Mathias. "The rhythm's all wrong."

"It's a pretty standard a cappella choral version," responded Quincy defensively. "Luckily, this line is carried by my range, so you really notice it. Don't worry. I won't go on. It switches to more of a supporting role anyway."

Tatsu didn't see any problem whatsoever. Quincy's song was much less boring than the versions Gwin and Mathias had sung, even without the nose. The bounce and stutter felt much more like good Nopon music. He liked this BLADE already. "Tatsu satisfied. Now help fellow BLADE carry cargo."

Gwin and Mathias didn't need to be told what to do. They each gleefully dumped almost half of their burdens onto the surprised new member of Team Tatsu. Strangely, distributing the clutter of boxes did not make them easier to carry. Tatsu knew that, as a good caravan leader, he should stop and make sure everything was carefully stowed away. Shifting contents lead to more profit loss than delays did. But the distance was infinitesimal, compared to what a real caravan covered each day. The load was so small. Time was so tight. Tatsu pressed his team forward.

He never should have repressed that native warning. Disaster struck as they finished walking the long open road connecting the Administrative Hangar to the Commercial District. They had turned onto East Melville Street. Tatsu's eyes were darting in all directions, checking to see if he saw certain people. People he didn't want seeing him arriving this late and this disorganized. People he didn't want to see today. Even people he didn't want to see ever. He didn't spot the first or second group, mercifully, but his luck didn't hold to the third. There, simpering in a cloud of pink splendor, stood Miss Warawa of Dopang Caravan. She was three years older than Tatsu, and three thousand time more annoying than any other female Nopon on the planet. Her presence in NLA left Tatsu feeling itchier than the Ma-non transport beam. He suddenly swerved left, as if pushed by a powerful anti-magnetic force. Unfortunately, Quincy could barely see over the pile of boxes loaded on him and stumbled over his rotund team leader. Tatsu watched in horror as the stumble cascaded into a lurch by Mathias and a full-out diving fall by Gwin. Most of the boxes were kept safe in their grasps, but two slipped loose during Gwin's final slide. They arced up high, directly for the fountain. The thought that the splash might drench Miss Warawa gave Tatsu only slight comfort as he calculated both the destruction of his plans and loss of his safety deposit.

"Alley oop!" A cheerful voice rang through the plaza and Tatsu watched as an unfamiliar BLADE snatched the boxes from mid-air. He held them firmly in his gloved hands as he turned to look down at Tatsu. "Here you go, citizen. It wouldn't be right to ruin our lovely fountain with merchandise, and vice versa."

Tatsu goggled. This BLADE was golden blond, smiling, fluffy, and otherwise perfect. Also, helpful and hopefully easy to manipulate. "Tatsu have question. Can BLADE…"

"Let me guess," snapped Gwin. "You want him to sing too."

The blond man laughed. "I'm on watch now for trouble makers. I'm afraid I can't come to any choir practice."

Quincy walked over and handed several more boxes and a loop of cable to the Rescuer of Merchandise. "But you _can_ help deliver this gear to somewhere in the Commercial District. Quincy, Curator."

"Justin, Mediator. Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise."

Tatsu huffed. Even if this pretty BLADE didn't know sixpence from bread with honey, he would still useful. "If Justin not singing, might as well go on." He determinedly refused to make eye contact with Miss Warawa as they moved off.

"Sunshine Café, right?" asked Gwin, moving straight down Melville Street.

But Tatsu again dodged in front of the group. Admittedly, he gave them more space to slow down, not wishing to tempt disaster twice. "No no no! Make left here. We take Founder's Drive."

"That won't get us there," argued Gwin.

"Team taking back way. No one see."

"Ah, the element of surprise," enthused Justin.

"Everyone on the Drive is going to see. It's the middle of the day," Gwin disagreed. "Plus, how are we going to get in?"

"No one important will see. Plus Tatsu have key to back door. Now follow instructions."

They turned left, then right, all the BLADES keeping quiet, either from irritation or confusion. Tatsu was getting more and more excited, his run becoming more bouncy with each building they passed.

When they came to a wide intersection, Tatsu froze. The BLADEs seemed to have learned their lesson and did not trip on him this time. Tatsu pressed himself against the wall and carefully poked his head around the corner.

"What's the deal, Tatsu?"

"Shhh, must be silent now. So close." Tatsu peered up the street, toward Central Melville Street. Then he whipped back, shaking madly.

"What was it?" asked Gwin, touched by Tatsu's clear terror.

Tatsu's voice quivered in an embarrassingly littleponish squeak. "Meh meh! Elma. Tatsu saw Colonel BLADE go by. It wrong! Too early!"

Gwin leaned over him and started to peek around the corner. When Tatsu hissed a protest, Gwin shrugged him off. "Dude, I have stealth augments coming out my ears. Let me look." He pulled his head back a moment later. "Yeah, I spotted her walking by, but she didn't look like she was doing a mission or anything. She had Lin with her and they were chatting. Probably going to lunch, which is what normal people should be doing right now. She's gone out of sight now."

"Linly too?"

Let us all give a silent round of thanks that Gwin did not say, "Lin Lee Koo too," but rather nodded his head to the affirmative.

Tatsu flapped his wingarms so mightily that he lifted from the ground for a few seconds, a true float and not an extended bounce. "Team must move quickly. Opportunity is vanishing and Tatsu so close to success. Go go go go!" With that, he raced across the formerly suspect intersection, passed one building, ducked down an alley and ran straight to a back door. The service entrance to the Sunshine Café, and more importantly, the roof access stairs. Team Tatsu began to climb.

* * *

 **a/n: John Rutter's arrangement of Sing a Song of Sixpence ftw. I tell you, the internet has helped me write some weird stuff. (Final chapter of Dances with Saltat, I'm looking at you.)**

 **btw, Miss Warawa took no notice of Tatsu. None whatsoever. She was busy thinking about The Golden Nopopotomus, esp. Ch. 2. (Two shameless plugs remain shameless.)**

 **Two of my favorite NPC's: Quincy is crazy about singing in the game, so happy. But I'd forgotten his tragic team story. This is set well before that, in happier days. Yet another NPC I want to comfort and protect. Also, yeah, Justin, a constant ray of sunshine! I love throwing him in. My OC Case has a huge crush on him. (So does Eldest Child.) Not going to say another word, but I will have a good half dozen chapters, featuring him or at least inspired by him, ready for Fridays, eventually.**

 **Alas, I have not completed the next chapters. I thought I'd given myself enough of a lead to catch up. I'll get it done in two weeks, for sure, but maybe not by next week. It's not just Tatsu who is unsure about how he will manage the next step.**

 **Next up: The materials and operatives are in place. Let's go, kids!**


	4. Raise the Roof

**Tatsu! Project/4/Raise the Roof**

 **a/n: I did not know that the Sunshine Café has no official roof access when I ended the last chapter. Neither did Tatsu. Eventually, Frye offers to shoot Justin, for the sake of art.**

 **All the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft, and I apologize for abusing not just Gwin but also dear little Phog and Justin. Oh, and Tatsu abuse, I should probably feel bad about that.**

 **XCX PORTANDA EST!**

* * *

"I can't believe we're using a skell to take this gear to the roof. Subtle, Tatsu, really subtle," Gwin snarked.

Tatsu was still fairly close to tears. He wailed his reply. "Meh meh meh! Tatsu didn't know! Sunshine Café has door, has stairs, has roof. How Tatsu know these things do not connect?!"

"Well, if you were hoping not to draw attention, I think you may have lost that aspect."

"So many skells in NLA. Maybe Linly not notice?"

"Several thousand kilos of metal bouncing onto a roof, with 2 BLADEs and a Nopon clinging to its feet. Nothing interesting about that. It's lucky that Mathias knows that guy stationed down the street, or we'd be tossing you up there like a football. Now hang on!" Gwin ordered, before giving the skell pilot a thumbs up.

Ten minutes earlier, they'd clattered into the back of the Sunshine Café building and made a beeline for the stairs. Tatsu had ignored the shouts of the manager, Coco, intent as he was on reaching the roof as quickly as possible. He'd skidded to a confused halt on the final landing. The room above the café was clearly a storeroom, full of shelves holding paper napkins, sugar packets, and things that weren't coffee beans but will work as substitutes in a pinch. Tatsu had looked left and right, but he couldn't find a ladder or steps or any other door that might lead to the roof.

Coco, a young black woman, had come huffing up behind them. "Will you guys please stop for a second? Tatsu, what are you trying to do up here?"

"Roof? How Tatsu get to roof?"

She'd shaken her head and explained that there was no connection to the roof. Not from her store, not from the other businesses in the building. Anyone needing to reach it could easily do so with a maintenance skell. Tatsu had stared at her, mouth as wide as the Outfitter's hangar door, and tried not to faint. He'd lost all will to move. If Gwin hadn't freed a hand to drag him down the stairs, he still might be standing in the storeroom, his ears full of the sound of failure.

He hadn't recovered his Nopon efficiency, not on the way back down the stairs, not in the alley, not as they gazed up to the roof, so close and yet such a long leap. Possible, at least for the BLADEs with their enhanced leaping ability, but not without the certainty of losing at least half of the boxes and cables they were carrying. Once again, it was Gwin who rescued him, caucusing the group to see who had access to the closest skell. He'd dispatched Mathias to rope in a friend at the construction site located not even a full block away. Gwin had been the one to load the jump seat of the skell with the merchandise plus Mathias and Quincy. And it was Gwin keeping a fast grip on Tatsu's vest as the skell backed slowly away, then made a single focused bounce to reach the roof.

"Well done, BLADEs. We have won the day!" caroled Justin as he jumped from the skell onto the roof.

Personally, Tatsu couldn't admire the delicacy with which the bulky construction skell had landed atop the Sunshine Café. There had still been enough of a jolt to send him rolling rapidly off the skell's foot, straight for the edge of the building. "Hey, save that Nopon!" shouted Gwin. A human figure, somewhat hampered by colleague, neatly stretched out his foot to give Tatsu a gentle kick that sent him skyward, not as directly toward the street but still tending that way. Quincy, hands full of the last of the merchandise, had chested the spherical alien solidly back toward the center of the roof, but unfortunately had given him enough momentum to continue towards the other edge. Mathias in turn used his foot to loft him upwards again, but then started inexplicably to juggle Tatsu, bouncing him from knee to knee. Tatsu couldn't say what happened at that point, because he was long beyond looking, but he suddenly felt hands plucking him from midair. He shook his head a bit and found that Gwin was holding him firmly.

"No. No xeno football. No."

"Wasn't football. That was soccer," laughed the first player, an older human with white-blond hair. He walked towards Tatsu and Gwin, dragging a sixth human behind him. He was gripping the arm of a younger man, slighter but just as blond. "I call hand ball."

"I'm goalie and shut up. What are you doing to your brother?" Gwin set Tatsu down gently, but he didn't step away. He kept his hand resting on the back of Tatsu's hood.

The first speaker ignored Gwin. "Hey, Tatsu. I got Phog here, just like you asked. I'm not sure how much good he's gonna be for you, but at least I don't think he's actually going to blow chunks again. He did it twice on the way here, so I think he's pretty empty. Right, bro?" He gave his hostage a mild shake. The younger man made a sound that held misery and apology in equal measures.

Tatsu nodded at Frye. "Very good," he responded vaguely, as he turned to inspect the set-up on the roof. Understandable, to be so distracted. The Ma-non was fussing over the endless boxes that Quincy and Mathias were still pulling out of the skell's back jump seat. Two Prone were carefully stacking the large boxes that had been on the bronze ship what seemed only moments before. A small thicket of silver rods were lined along the edge of the roof. Cables snaked across the whole of the area, from edge to a stack of twinkling small boxes to the massive wall. Everything was in place, ready for triumph, but Tatsu felt almost as nauseous as Phog looked. There was still one business maneuver to achieve.

"Well, we've done our good deed, and we're out of here. Next time, get other suckers, okay, Tater?" Mathias said loudly, drawing his attention. The rest of Tatsu's press gang agreed, more or less heartily, and they moved to leave in a group, likely by leaping off the roof to the ground.

Tatsu snapped into life. "Meh meh meh, no time to leave now! BLADEs must stay and finish job!" Tatsu zigged and zagged in front of Mathias, Quincy and Justin. "Must help Tatsu! You the perfect tools, er, team, for the job! So stay! Pleeeeaaassseeeee!"

When the other three had started to leave, Gwin hadn't shifted. He stood unmoved, still in the spot where he'd brought Tatsu out of play. He looked down at the frantic Nopon, with arms crossed and a thoughtful expression on his face. He spoke as much to his other BLADEs as to Tatsu. "I've got a pretty good idea where this is going, Tatsu, but you better tell us the details. Just be ready for us to tell you to go stick it in Oblivia."

Tatsu stopped himself, bringing his breathing to a regular rate with effort. He carefully arranged his wingarms along his belly, albeit more tightly that was proper for a trustworthy merchant. He looked up at the five interested human faces (Phog being too miserable to care). Gwin nodded slightly. Tatsu took another deep breath and explained.

"Team need singers. More than one, but not too many. That just the way humans prefer. To sing song in …" he checked his comm device and couldn't completely repress a squeak. "… only 10 minutes to go! Meh meh meeeeh… uh, Tatsu mean, it only take a little more time, then everybody carry on with regular life."

The BLADEs looked at each other, but Gwin was the one who spoke. "No way. We are not singing anything to anyone. I'm guessing this whole Ma-non sound system is for some kind of concert? You were planning to have us as your band?"

"Maybe not completely planned at start, but you all prove you can sing. Except Justin, but Tatsu guess he's fine too. Human singing not really Nopon style, so it hard for Tatsu to judge. Elma assure Tatsu song very easy to do."

"Tatsu, this has got to be the lamest idea ever. What makes you think we'd be anything short of a disaster?" Gwin snapped. Quincy muttered a soft protest, but Gwin flicked a hand to silence him. But he wasn't walking away either. Tatsu took heart.

"Humans have something called boy bands. Don't need much talent if singers all fluffy enough."

Gwin blinked. "You have got to be kidding."

"Tatsu did research. Boy bands very popular on Earth."

"Only for screaming 12-year-old girls!"

"Linly is only just turning 14. Today. Team Tatsu sings birthday song and make her scream."

Gwin's arms dropped to his side. "She's down there, isn't she?"

Tatsu nodded enthusiastically. "Elma take her to lunch in Barrista Court. Promise to stand on street at exactly 1230. We sing, she scream, everybody call Tatsu genius. It will be perfect." He stretched his face up toward Gwin, trying to sense if he had won the argument.

He had. Gwin flung his hands in the air, before turning to the other BLADEs. "This has got to be the worst birthday present ever. Let's do it. Quincy, you seem to know something about singing. Can you organize the others? I need to talk to Frye and Phog a sec." The brunet Curator nodded and hurried the others towards the mikes at the edge of the rooftop stage.

"Look, Frye, why are you dragging your brother into this?" Gwin asked once the others had moved away.

Tatsu was glad to finally have a question he could answer at once. "That easy. Tatsu asked…"

"I'm not talking to you, Tatsu. Actually, I should be talking to Phog, but, well…"

To everyone's surprise, Phog actually responded. With words. "I'm okay."

Gwin frowned. "You don't look okay. This is going to be bad enough as it is. If you pitch off the edge of the roof, Irina will never let me live it down. That's if she hears about it. My luck, she'll watch the live stream of humiliation before dinner."

"Scary Lieutenant also having lunch with Linly."

"Great. Now I'm going to hurl."

Phog repeated his words. "I'm okay. Really." He peered through his shock of blond bangs. "I actually joined a glee club on the Whale. For a little while. So I know, um, one of the guys over there." He waved his free arm vaguely towards Quincy, who was busy testing various positions for the other singers.

"See? I told ya he was good to go," Frye said with a smile.

"Gwinny happy now? No one forced against their will. This band is all about happy and birthday!" Tatsu burbled.

"Not exactly given a lot of choice either, Tatsu. Somebody needs to examine Nopon business ethics with a machete. Whatever. Let's join Quincy and try to practice. How much time have we got?"

Tatsu didn't even need to check his comm device. Certain skills merchants must develop, and timing is one of those. "Six minutes. Nothing more, nothing less."

Quincy was wasting no time. "You, Gwin, over on the left. Just support Mathias and it won't matter how good you are. Phog, if you're up for it, would you mind being in the center? You have the purest tenor of the bunch." He stopped and stared at the other Christoph brother, jostling with Justin for the far right mike. "Just what do you think you're doing over there?"

"I'm the bad boy for the band. You need that."

"Meh meh meh, Frye not at all right! Not bad like dangerous, bad like making rumbly tummy with old food."

"What?" snapped the slighted Interceptor.

Gwin laughed. "Ha, he's got a point. You're way too old to be in a boy band, Frye. Move over."

Frye continued to argue. "You need somebody with an edge. You guys probably don't have a single tatoo on all five of you."

Quincy stepped in. "Time's running out, and vocally, we're just going to use what we have. Um, Gwin, can you growl? Musically, of course." Gwin's attempt was met with a frown. "Uh, that was a rumble but, … okay! Mathias?" The offering by the fellow Curator received an equal frown and a look of sorrow. "Well, I suppose I could do it, but you really need me as the director, and the steady rhythm, or I swear it will all fall apart." He heaved a sigh and said listlessly, "Justin, what can you…"

With no warning beside a slight smile, Justin open his mouth and released something long and anguished. Tatsu wasn't sure was singing, although it wasn't exactly screaming either. "You will remember meeeeeeee, for centurieeeeeeeees!"

There followed a moment of silence. Finally, Frye said, "Whoa! Don't hurt yourself there, boy,"

Quincy beamed. "Gentlemen, we have us a bad boy. Frye, if you would suitably scuff him up, please? I'll get Phog and Gwin settled. We have two minutes."

Tatsu heard Frye muttering to himself as he dragged the shining Mediator away. "No way I can get a tatoo on him in two minutes. Maybe a piercing. Where's my gun?"

* * *

 **a/n: Whoo, got this chapter done yesterday. Eldest Child approved of everything but Justin's song choice, but wasn't able to come up with anything better.(Eldest Child's tepid approval: "I don't like this song. But I don't hate it as much as other songs.") Meanwhile, I'm beginning to have much more respect for Gwin, which made the chapter easier to write. Still enjoy abusing him. About the only excuse I have for this chapter is I had ColBreakz's Kirby dubstep on loop while trying to start it, followed by Caleb Hyles cover of Centuries (which is the opposite of ammmmneeeeesiyyyyaaaaaaa) at the end.**

 **Ch. 5 is completely unwritten. I was going to take a month long break, but I was so sad at that thought that I am going to press on anyway. We'll see if I get a chapter done next week.**

 **Next up: Show time! With a possible epilogue. What does YOUR Cross sing, given a really nice Ma-non karaoke system? Asking for a friend. Drop a comment in the reviews and see what happens.**


	5. The Concert

**The Concert**

 **a/n: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce the premier group of the Tatsu! Project?**

 **All the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft. Please forgive me and do not let this dissuade you from making XCX2. Please.**

* * *

Tatsu was a genius.

The Nopon ambassador smiled benevolently at his team. The boys were lined up along the edge of the Sunshine Café's roof. Tatsu did not look down at the gathering crowd. He trusted Elma enough to know she would be there, probably front and center in the crowd below, maybe with Linly chattering excitedly beside her, while the Colonel stayed in her typical pose, arms crossed and tanned face calm but inscrutable. But Tatsu was careful to keep his eyes on the five (plus one) BLADEs, letting them know that he was there for them. Also, that he was ultimately in charge and responsible for the coming triumph.

Quincy had performed miracles. How brilliant of Tatsu to choose him to be second in command. He had a plan, the singers had parts, they even had a bad boy. Tatsu wasn't so sure how taking off Justin's shirt but not his vest armor, then wrapping various bits of colored cloth and rope around his head and wrists, had given him that status. Justin looked just as cheerful and helpful as ever. But Tatsu wasn't going to argue with an expert. Especially an excitable expert like Frye, currently growling last minute encouragement in his brother's ear. ("Phog, you will sing or I will make sure you never have cookies and milk again.")

A rippling sensation flowed through Tatsu. He didn't need to check his comm device. 1230, on the dot, he was sure of it. He nodded with his whole body towards Quincy. Quincy responded, and directed a flick of a finger at Frye, who stepped away after giving Phog a brief and comforting punch in the arm. Tatsu spared a moment to smooth his cowlick into a perfect spiral, then stepped up to a mike.

... A mike that was a good half meter too high. Behind his glasses, his eyes widened with repressed, ignored panic. "Meh meh meh…" Even his best bounce wouldn't quite reach it reliably, and if he fluttered hard enough to get up to it, he wouldn't have any breath to spare for announcements.

Gwin leaned over. 'Please,' thought Tatsu. 'Please don't have Gwinny Gwin pick Tatsu up like littlepon. Tatsu not toy. Tatsu genius. Stupid short genius. Meeeeeehhhhhhh.' Before his wail became audible, he noticed that Gwin had unsnapped the nearest mike and was bent over, stretching his arm towards the young Nopon. It was an awkward position for Gwin, but it put the mike at the perfect height for Tatsu. Tatsu felt a return of confidence. How clever of him to choose Gwin as his other second in command.

No time to lose. Tatsu was professional enough not to tap the mike or make any preliminary "ahem" noises. "Citizens of NLA. Welcome to eventful day."

"… full of something…" Gwin's side comment was quiet, but the Ma-nons make good microphones.

"Today Ambassador for Nopon present new entertainment company, Tatsu! Project. We hope this bring much enjoyment for city…"

"…point and laugh, kids…" Ma-non make very very very good microphones, okay? It was clear that Tatsu's careful speech was going to be slightly interrupted by Gwin's asides.

"… and special enjoyment for special guest for special growing up day …" ("… if this doesn't stunt her growth …")

"So no more talk." ("Thank heavens for something.")

"Presenting best boy band group on Mira…" ("… because we're the only one…")

"…for their first performance…" ("… and hopefully last …")

"… singing to NLA's favorite Outfitter and best friend..." Tatsu paused for the echo of snark, but for once this was lacking. He took heart and moved towards the conclusion.

"Ambassador Tatsu present the premier group of Tatsu! Project, New Lost Angels!"

What happened next was a blur. Tatsu couldn't hear a single sound for the rushing of blood in his wingears. He watched Quincy snap his fingers for a quick count down, then saw the young men, stepping to and fro, sometimes leaning into the mikes in groups, other times stepping back to let a solo singer perform (to his surprise, Phog was the most frequent of those, although he kept his eyes shut tight). At one point, Quincy nodded to Justin. The blond Mediator almost leapt upon the mike and did the modulated howl that he'd demonstrated earlier. Tatsu was gratified the bad boy status had been accurately endowed. Finally, the BLADEs stepped forward as a group, all five singing whatever the conclusion was. Tatsu still couldn't hear a thing, so loud was the relief filling his head.

The song was over. The gift was delivered. On time and complete.

* * *

 **A/n: About last chapter: I had totally forgotten about Riki's introduction in XC, and the soccer game that was played with him. It must live in my brain independent of conscious thought. This possibility pleases me and disturbs me equally.**

 **Slightly AU, since this is set pre flight module (but close), but Tatsu doesn't learn about birthdays until post game. Tough. There's something about this planet.**

 **Next up: So, honestly, what would YOUR Cross sing if, say, somebody had a lot of nice Ma-non sound equipment on a roof and, say, a makeshift karaoke machine? Asking for a friend. Drop me a comment and see what happens.**


	6. Happy Birthday!

**Happy Birthday!**

 **a/n: NLA's first city-wide karaoke party! Indulgent swamp of fluff incoming.**

 **Best part: I get to write in in in Ma-non, okay?**  
 **Worst part: Internal author's notes. Suffer.**

 **(edit) New songs for a new Cross! And more! And more! I have no shame, and I'll put yours in too. You have only to ask.**

 **All the good stuff belongs to the geniuses of Monolith Soft, who are promising us XC2 in 2017. Happy birthday XCX! April 29, 2016, go bake a cake!**

* * *

While the New Lost Angels bowed and waved from the lip of the roof, Tatsu finally looked down at the crowd. There, as he had expected, was his wingarm-girl. She was on her feet, clapping her hands and sending him a look that combined delight and embarrassment and evil satisfaction and more delight. The whole crowd was cheering and waving, but he knew she was the loudest of them all. Beside her, Elma smiled up at him, clapping steadily. Tatsu felt almost as proud as if it had been his mamapon smiling at him. He reminded himself to send the video to his home caravan as soon as possible.

Several humans swarmed the roof, congratulating the singers. No one paid Tatsu much attention, but he had no complaints. Talent was the public face of the project, and customers enjoyed meeting their idols. It encouraged the purchase of t-shirts and posters. Tatsu felt a warm bubble of profitable plans percolate in his brain.

He was considering the problem of getting off the roof when he noticed a small fracas developing between Frye and the hired Ma-non sound technician. Tatsu bustled over quickly. The last thing he needed was an employment lawsuit: "Frye" and "unsafe working conditions" felt frighteningly similar in his mind. Or a bill for damages, that also seemed possible.

"Look, it isn't rocket science. You take the file, pump it through the speakers, light up the mikes, and stand back for a couple minutes. That's it."

"I was told to to to run a concert, okay? One concert. When it's done, I break down the gear and go for pizza, understand? Pizza. P-i-z-z-a. Done equals pizza, okay? Not done equals dark depths of misery and despair, because it is is is not pizza, right?" The Ma-non was growing increasingly frantic. "I can smell it, okay? All morning long! It's pure torture. You BLADEs are monsters, except that you you you created the universe's gift to my mouth, you know?"

"Whoa, easy, little dude." Frye had backed up a step, palms out peaceably.

"It's just, you guys are not fully cognizant of just how amazing pizza is, okay? No amount of words can do it justice, because it shakes the heavens with gooey savory hotness, right? It crosses the line of of of interspecies difference, you know? Pizza is …"

"I get it!" interrupted Frye. "And I fully support you in your, uh, excitement. Sheesh, nobody better teach you to like vodka, 'cause I gotta protect my own interests."

"Alcohol is for manufacturing purposes," snapped the alien. "Do not sully the majesty of pizza by comparison."

"Fine by me. So," Frye had switched to a tempting tone. "The pizza's there, all warm and waiting for you, and all you gotta do is patch this puppy in and walk away." He waved his comm device.

Tatsu had heard enough. No way was he going to allow overtime charges to be added to his bill. "Frye will leave employee alone. Tatsu need to keep to contract."

"Well, by rights, the gear is yours until morning," the tech contradicted, in the most unhelpful manner. "But I personally need to get to my pie, and maybe in in in less than the time it takes for my soul to die utterly, okay?"

Frye grinned broadly. "Contracts are for breaking, then fixing. How much for you to go do a few slices and come back in an hour?"

"Your life. I do not stop at slices. What is this 'slices' you speak of? There is no way you can lead me to paradise, only to to to ask me to walk away at the first nibble, right? I must have a pie in all its circular perfection, with brethren following, before I can even start to think of…"

"5000 credits, come back in an hour."

"20000, two hours."

"Done."

"Meh meh mehhhhhh! Tatsu not have …."

The two pizza freaks looked at him. "No one was asking you. Yo, Phog! Come over here. How much money you got?"

"…" Phog, still surrounded by fans, stretched out his arm to offer his comm device to his brother, who immediately snatched it from his hands.

"I'm guessing the impresario is tapped out, right?" Frye slanted a glance at Tatsu. In turn, Tatsu blushed hard at Frye's comments, but he nodded. Was Tatsu's impecunious state so obvious to BLADEs? But Frye wasn't paying any more attention to Tatsu's anguish.

"14, 15, we're getting close. Mathias! I need 5000 credits."

"No."

"One word: karaoke."

Quincy pushed past his bandmate and the well-wishers. "Take my money. Take it all."

Tatsu watched as the transaction concluded. The Ma-non tech quickly ran through the instructions on patching the comm devices into the system before hurling himself from the roof to the ground and dashing in the direction of Army Pizza. Frye fiddled with his device's screens, before finally NLA Karaoke was on.

It was natural that Frye would be first up in this unique human activity. But he didn't go alone. He waded into the group of fans still surrounding the New Lost Angels and shooed them away, at points violently. He pulled his brother up to the mikes. Tatsu was curious if Phog could go any paler at this point. Frye smiled his wolfish smile, and nodded to Quincy over by the Ma-non's abandoned set-up.

Tatsu didn't recognize the music. Well, why should he? It was clearly from Earth, with typical human rhythm, straight and steady as a foot path. No clicks or scratches whatsoever, so disappointing. But Phog must have know it, for his face lit up and he struggled to peer from under his bangs. "This one! Gran used to …"

Frye gestured to Quincy. The music stopped. "Ready? Or do you need lyrics?"

"I remember. Ready." Phog waved at the new d.j. and the music restarted.

The brothers shared one mike, sometimes taking turns to sing the lyrics, but again and again, they sang in unison, "I got you, babe." Tatus approved of brotherly support, especially since by the end he was no longer worried that Phog would somehow expire of anxiety due to this day's events. The song was short, and Frye dragged a blushing Phog away, arm wrapped around his neck and fist rubbing his blond mop enthusiastically.

Tatsu expected Quincy to be next, but that BLADE was busy tapping away at his own comm device. No one else moved towards the edge of the roof. Would this be the end of the event? It seemed quite a small result for so many credits. But Tatsu suspected there would be more. People were looking shyly at the mikes, gesturing with friends, checking their devices. Tatsu could recognize negotiations as well as the next Nopon.

It was a good two minutes before someone else moved towards the mikes. Gwin and Mathias, grinning as if they were about to do the stupidest stunt ever seen in NLA. Their song started quietly, again with that clear but simple human rhythm, but the words tapped out their throats quickly and relentlessly. They weren't sharing the song like the Christophs had, and they needed to squint at Gwin's device for the lyrics, Mathias especially. During a musical interlude, Gwin looked down at the crowd and went bright red. Never mind that, thought Tatsu, will there be more singing? There was, very repetitive but almost bouncy enough in its way to suit Nopon, until it slowed to one last repeated line, "Make a little birdhouse in your soul."

More people were starting to move towards the mikes, forming a rough line mostly of groups of twos and threes. Tatsu wondered who would be the third act. "Tatsu! This is incredible!" The familiar voice made Tatsu spin quickly. There, standing over him, was Lin Lee Koo, his wing-arm-girl and teammate. Her shining dark eyes told him his gift had been a success, far more clearly than her words. "A boy band and karaoke! This is so cool. Especially the karaoke part. We gotta try it together!"

"A nice addition," Elma said calmly.

Tatsu glanced quickly around the roof. Frye and Phog had disappeared, and Quincy was still shouting excitedly into his comm device. "Tatsu do his very best. Genius quality typical for caravan leader, and Dodonga will deserve nothing less." He wobbled back and forth for a moment. "Plus, BLADEs help Tatsu very much and make genius idea even better," he added quietly. "With all the carrying and singing. And karaoke. And funding. But idea is still Tatsu's. Mostly."

"Without you, Tatsu, we'd never have gotten close to this. Not by a million miles," said Gwin from behind him. "We're just the raw materials of your genius creation." Gwin shrugged, then said under his breath, "And the unguarded wallets."

"Well, however it happened, I'm gonna give you all the credit, Tatsu, because I love it. Now, let's focus on the important stuff. What should we sing?"

The unscheduled karaoke session lasted for the full two hours that the initial pizza payment had provided. People sang a variety of songs, some slow, some upbeat, and were received with loud cheers. Or sometimes jeers. H.B.'s attempt at a rather wide ranging tune was not exactly met with praise, especially the highest notes. However, a group of females (human and Nopon) seemed to ignore talent and just enjoy the superior view. It continued to feel very strange to Tatsu, most being merely half songs really, nothing close to the exciting story songs of his caravan, with the exception of Quincy's offering. His teammates arrived shortly after he finished his calls, all in a rush. The four men did an a cappella piece, The Ballad of BLADE, and would not be driven from the mike until they sang 20 verses, thank you very much. Tatsu was sorry to see them leave and hand it over to the next singer.

Gwin's team also had arrived as a group. Rosalee thumped him on the back and Neesae shook his hand graciously. Irina glared at him, but she softened when he handed her the mike. "We should wait our turn in line," she protested, but Gwin muttered about having paid for it in blood, and no one argued (much), especially when Tatsu glared at the other waiting humans. At least, Tatsu hoped it was his glare, and not Irina's. The Lieutenant and the other two women delivered a sweeping song. Even from the first delicate start there were small cheers from the crowd. By the time it grew to a belting chorus of "Let it go!", the audience was totally engaged, with a full half joining in. [a/n: Two people switched divisions to Interceptors then and there.]

The next singer, whom Tatsu had strangely never seen waiting in line, was a purple eyed, well-built Curator. He didn't know her name, but clearly people recognized her, based on the hush over the crowd. She cast a bored glance over the audience, plucked a mike from a stand, and sang a slow song about doing things exactly her own way, and without regrets. At the end of the piece, she flicked the mike towards the next singer before turning on her heel and leaving without a second glance. The audience burst into cheers that lasted a full minute. [a/n: The wiser audience members also checked to see that their wallets were still in their pockets. Four people switched divisions to Curators, which was just as well, considering the unexpectedly high body count for that division.]

L stepped forward, beaming at the event's participants. "We have selected a song we hope is appropriate and amusing." Sadly, his song was cut short with a gurgle of screeching feedback after only a few lines. [a/n: Apparently, Murdress did not appreciate being followed by "Psycho Killer".] Quincy gave L an apologetic if pained smile, promising to give L another chance as soon as he could provide a song file that wasn't corrupted. The blue alien shrugged and passed the mike to the next contender. [a/n: He would later sing about computing devices, well he was _going to_ until he got a better idea...]

Lin and Tatsu had just joined the back of the line when something happened that almost derailed the event. Tatsu had sensed a certain unease from the crowd, but he was too busy trying to learn Lin's choice of song to go investigate. Plus he was slightly worried about losing his place in line. But such worries took a major step back when the shadow of a mobile mountain fell over him. Tatsu looked up, way up, to see the frowning face of Commander Vandham.

"Who's in charge of this riot?"

Several helpful BLADEs, Gwin among them, pointed at Tatsu. Tatsu made a mental note to make sure his former second in command was _not_ repaid in a timely fashion. He stood at full height and said, "Tatsu paid for loan of gear. It really belong to Ma-non. Singing was free." Then he tried, with all his might, not to duck behind Linly.

"Ever bother to get an event permit, Mr. Ambassador for All Nopon?" growled Vandham.

Tatsu shook his head in confusion. "Tatsu get permission from Sunshine Café for use of roof."

Vandham blew a growling puff of air strong enough to flutter his mustache. Then he grinned. "Well, I'm declaring this a civil issue, despite the number of presumably off-duty BLADEs I see on this here roof." He glared at the crowd. [a/n: At that very moment, several BLADEs decided this might be a good time to see how quickly they could return themselves to their duty stations.] "And as a civil issue, it's squarely in the stuffed shirt Chausson's area of expertise. His area, his paperwork, and I don't envy you tomorrow morning. But so long as you don't overload the roof, I'll turn a deaf ear and blind eye. One thing though." His face grew fearsome. Crossing his arms, he loomed over Tatsu. "Nagi sings last. Got it?"

Tatsu felt about as firm as a water balloon, but managed a credible response. "Yes, sir, Mr. Muscle Man, sir. Tatsu got it."

Lin finally piped up. "Tatsu did all this for my birthday. I think it's really cool."

"It's something. I think some glass shattered over in BLADE tower due to H.B.'s, er, attempt. Well, happy birthday, little lady, and this one's for you." The big man marched up to the front of the line. The BLADE who had been preparing to sing handed the microphone to the Commander, and quick like. Vandham sang a short gravelly song, about walking on lines and watching your heart (somewhat gruesome to Tatsu's taste, if the Commander wasn't somehow talking about something else).

The crowd didn't return to its previously relaxed and raucous state for a few more singers. Luckily the next two duos were absolutely irrepressible. Roo and Yelv crowded together and more shouted than sang their choice. Roo especially seemed to enjoy one line: "I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed!" They were followed by the beaming brother duo, Lara Nara and Lara Mara, who sang about very improbable weather events. Humans did NOT rain from the sky, in Tatsu's experience. But there was a very loud cheer by the end of that song, so Tatsu supposed it was a success.

A young man with shoulder length red-brown hair and striking green eyes was the next. He seemed a little reserved, but that matched the gentle introduction of his song. By the end, his confidence and clear voice had the crowd half weeping, half cheering for his love song to Old Los Angeles. "Who's that?" Lin asked. Roo, passing by, leaned over and whispered, "Dude named Kiba, and I haven't felt this much Pathfinder pride in weeks." He waved his fellow division member over to give him enthusiastic if somewhat random compliments.

The next singer somehow managed to be as different from Kiba as Telethia are from Terebra. Ice white hair and a glare equally cold, he held the microphone with such a powerful grip that Tatsu feared for his deposit. He began his song immediately, very slow and intense, and with a fierce focus that dared anyone to doubt that he knew and felt every word. He certainly gave his all for this song, sweeping his arms along with the flow of the music. Pity they hadn't run into this BLADE sooner. This one would have made the perfect bad boy, no extra scuffing necessary, even dressed as he was in standard armor. Tatsu shivered suddenly. Perhaps not. This one didn't seem at all as easy to manipulate, er, as kind as the other members of New Lost Angels. Tatsu hoped that there was something metaphoric or symbolic or literary about this song, because as far as he knew, mims did not contain broken glass nor were they nuclear powered. Both sounded very uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable, at least with respect to the sanctity of Tatsu's safety deposit, was singer's flourish at the end. As the last refrain rolled out, he tossed the mike high into the air. It was a tie as to whose concerned squeal was louder, Tatsu's or Quincy's. The performer caught it flawlessly, just in time to belt the last notes, before carefully replacing the precious electronics into its stand.

Speaking of uncomfortable, Roo suddenly gave a sharp yelp. He'd been "whoooing" along with the ending vocals to the song. "What was that for?!" he complained to Yelv. "Pard!" replied the Reclaimer. "You do NOT horn in on someone else's tune. Especially not when it's Akira's tune. Take my word for it." The temperature dropped a few more degrees when the singer finished and shot a vicious but silent look at Roo. Tatsu shivered again. Yelv gave a what-are-you-going-to-do-right-? kind of wave at Akira. Roo waved too, a cheerful smile plastered on his face, his narrow eyes an utterly blank blue, before wandering off to examine the equipment Quincy was blissfully sweating over. Akira watched with a cool, assessing glance, before rolling his eyes and giving a Yelv a remarkably kind smile that vanished in a second. Tatsu wasn't sure he hadn't imagined it.

Another Pathfinder was taking the stage, almost as cheerful as Roo, but with a sly look in her snappy black eyes. Tatsu was intrigued by the kitty ears peeking out from her stylish brown hair. Her musical choice sounded almost religious, or at least it felt that way at the start. But there was an immediate and loud squeal from the audience. Tatsu looked over the edge of the roof. A group of Pathfinders had coalesced at the very front of the crowd and were waving their comm devices with excitement. Each device was lit up in candy colors, yellow, green, pink, and they were shaking them violently in time to the music. The young girl gave a quick curtsy just as the music suddenly switched to a thrashing, driving pace. Tatsu grew even more worried. Akira must have really broken the mike, because Tatsu couldn't understand any of the words that the new singer was yelling into the microphone. Unlike her predecessor, she encouraged the crowd to sing during the chorus, almost a call-and-response, and her division groupies did exactly that, joyously shaking their heads up and down. Tatsu looked at Lin, who shrugged her shoulders helplessly. [A/n: In the following weeks, Tatsu and Lin tried to solve the mystery of the lyrics. The only info they got came from Commander Vandham of all people, and consisted of two mysterious words: "baby metal." Nagi, who happened to be nearby, nodded, adding, "Cécile's pronunciation was very credible." "Certainly better than Bozé's," growled Vandham, to which Nagi gave a distinct shudder. No more was ever said.]

All of it was so varied, so surprising, and so not Nopon. Tatsu decided that he wasn't going to judge the songs for good or bad anymore. He could tell that the humans were enjoying everything, and that was the point. He enjoyed it too, when he and Lin sang what she assured him was a very easy song. It certainly had enough repetition, "oh no no no no oooooo." He wasn't sure if the fact that Doug started laughing hard enough to choke meant they had done a good job or not. Then again, Doug had done the same thing in the middle of his duet with Alexa, a very serious song about a mysterious archeological site on Earth.

They moved away from the mikes, giving more eager BLADEs a chance to sing. Tatsu wasn't paying much attention, chatting with well wishers and planning a publicity campaign for his singers. Suddenly, Lin gave a loud cheer. Tatsu looked over at the mikes and was confused for a moment. "Why Prone singing?"

Lin looked down at him with amazement. "Wow, Tatsu. You need new glasses. Look again!" Tatsu did as he was told and blushed deeply. It was a young female BLADE, nicknamed Cross, a friend of Lin, getting ready to sing. Her dark blue skin had confused Tatsu. Cross was preparing to sing when another blue form rushed up to the mikes.

"So good of you to share a turn with us!" effused L. "We shall sing about not breaking our hearts, neither of them. We have asked the dj to p and queue it up for us." He waved at Quincy, and without allowing Cross to argue began to sing. The woman didn't look too pleased by this interruption, but shrugged and did as he asked.

Lin frowned throughout the song. "That was really mean, jumping her turn like that. Like Yelv said, you don't horn in on someone else's song. Cross deserves better. Hey, Tatsu, I think I'll do another song with Cross, so she gets a proper chance."

Tatsu frowned. "Linly not maybe trying to get another turn without waiting?"

Lin looked down at him with exaggerated shock. "It's my birthday, Tatsu! Don't you think I'd be on my best behavior on my special day? No no no, this is just a matter of fairness. You should sing too, backup or something. Sound good?"

"Okey dokey," Tatsu agreed happily. Lin marched to the head of the line, explained nicely to the waiting BLADE, and shortly thereafter the three of them sang about traffic laws and not driving too fast, or at least that what the parts that Tatsu sang were about.

Lin was delighted by this triumph, but it wasn't the end of her plans. It took some persuasion, but they managed to get Elma to sing. She did it with the same calm steadiness she showed in the field, and with the same strength. From the first "Hello" to the conclusion, the crowd kept absolutely silent, but once Elma stepped away from the mike the cheers were deafening.

Tatsu felt sorry for the Drifter that followed her, a red-head with an almost blank expression, but the young woman soldiered steadily through her choice, repeating the line, "Sunglasses at night", over and over again. Justin gave her a shining smile and was the first to congratulate her when she finished, and for a moment a shy smile flickered on her face. He didn't release her hand, but kept her by his side and shouted over to Quincy, "Hey, can you switch it to the second one, 'Irresistable'? Because now I want to do a duet. Is that okay, Case?" The two of them then howled their way through the song, to the amazement of people used to their mild mannered, almost anonymous personas.

There were more songs, again, beyond Tatsu's ability to judge, good or bad, all very human. The Ma-non reappeared after two hours, and while there was some talk of buying him more pizza, the crowd was starting to thin anyway, so nothing came of it. The karaoke session was over.

Except it wasn't. One last singer leapt gracefully onto the roof. The crowd froze in their places, watching respectfully as the Secretary of Defense, Kentaro Nagi, walked up to the mike and spoke quietly. At first, Tatsu thought he was describing the scene, but it turned out to be his song request. Nagi waited calmly, mike in hand, while Quincy swiped screens madly. The dj had it up in less than a minute, and Nagi sang his song, sweetly and softly, without a glance at the lyrics.

While most human music still wasn't to Tatsu's tastes, even he had to admit that there was something very special about the last song. The Secretary had described so beautifully the wonderful world of Mira, the trees of green and skies of blue, the rainbow of friends that had joined the city of NLA and the children that would someday follow. The crowd sighed with content at the end, gave a happy cheer, and dispersed.

It was worth every credit that he (and generous friend Gwin) had spent on it.

* * *

 **A/n: The sound tech's name is Mikkal. He had a NAME! And I will never talk to him again! Curse you, Monolith Soft! You know I had Israel Kamakawiwo'ole on loop for the last paragraph. Oh, how I worry for my favorite imaginary city... Also, thank you to TheMookIsLoose, OnePirateWolf, SubSpaceWarrior, and Eldest Child, for letting me play with your own OC Crosses. I hope I did them proud.**

 **Happy 2nd Birthday, Xenoblade Chronicles X.**  
 **Thank you, Nintendo and Monolith Soft.**

* * *

Over on Tube of You, using the very creative handle of NullNoMore, there is a playlist for Tatsu! Project. Enjoy my brain. If you didn't get all the hints in the story, here's the list:

Quincy: Sing a Song of Sixpence (John Rutter arrangement, in Ch. 3)  
Justin, that bad boy: Centuries (Fall Out Boy, in Ch. 4)  
Frye & Phog: I Got You Babe (Sonny and Cher)  
Gwin and Mathias: Birdhouse in Your Soul (They Might Be Giants, blame my kid for that one)  
H.B.: Take on Me (a-ha, and imagine the pose, please)  
Quincy's Team: I don't have anything, but may I suggest Ballad of the Green Beret (Barry Sadler) as inspiration  
Irina, Rosalee & Neesae: Let It Go (from Frozen, overused but it really is quite the song)  
Murdress: My Way (Sinatra, or perhaps Celine Dion, because we need Canadian content)  
L: Psycho Killer (Talking Heads, again blame my kids … he later sang All about the Pentiums by Weird Al)  
Vandham: I Walk the Line (the man in black, Mr. Johnny Cash himself)  
Roo (my avatar) and Yelv: All Star (Smash Mouth)  
the Laras: It's Raining Men (The Weather Girls)  
Kiba (OnePirateWolf's avatar): Hollywood Hills (Sunrise Avenue, and thank you for turning me on to them, whooo)  
Akira (avatar of TheMookIsLoose): Nuclear (Mike Oldfield, a distinct runner up to The Man Who Sold the World as covered by Midge Ulrie, but better for karoke, what are you going to do, right?)  
Cecille (my kid's twinkly evil ninja): Headbanger (indeed, by BABYMETAL)  
Lin & Tatsu: I Wanna Be Sedated (Ramones, so very inappropriate, who let them choose that?!)  
Doug & Alexa: Stonehenge (Spinal Tap, ah ha ha ha ha!)  
[L: All About the Pentiums (Weird Al) original idea but then...]  
L & Cross (SubspaceWarrior's avatar): Don't Go Breaking My Heart (Elton John & Kiki Dee, so cute)  
Lin, Tatsu & Cross: Stop (Spice Girls)  
Elma: Hello (Adele)  
Case (my pretend avatar, if I ever do a second run): I Wear My Sunglasses at Night (Corey Hart, for Canadian content)  
Justin & Case: Irresistible (FOB, the version with that nice Demi Lovato)  
Nagi: What a Wonderful World (Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version, or your choice)

(If I were using more Canadian content, I'd have Gwin & Mathias sing "If I Had a Million Dollars"/Barenaked Ladies, and then have Elma sing "Prospero's Speech" after Loreena McKennit, although the range is too high for her. Never mind, this is fanfiction and that song is amazing. My dork of an avatar, Roo, would do "Consequence Free", by Great Big Sea.)


End file.
